As everything gets stacked more and more I have been working on cutting back.
Since I’m working on trying to get a manuscript finished, trying to either find a full time job with benefits or go back to school and working/cleaning/etc I am trying to simplify everything I can.
I’m eliminating my Facebook and all Instagram accounts.
Social media can become an addiction and since it’s supposed to be a fun and relaxing way to keep connected to friends and family, not an annoyance where you feel you have to censor yourself constantly and end up annoyed, compulsively scrolling I decided “on a whim” I needed to fully cleanse myself of the mess. I tried leaving a bunch of groups, unliking pages and unfollowing everything and with over 300 friends, over 100 pages and groups, I still felt overwhelmed. I’m giving myself a year and if I can do it without it becoming compulsive (and they start treating data, information and security better among many other problems) I’m thinking about creating a new profile- but after taking a year off. I’m only considering going back next year because I just set it up for deletion and 4 people have mentioned things to me. I figured if I left without making a huge announcement, no one would really notice. I was very wrong and several people have suddenly been trying to get ahold of me.
I am staying on pinterest and one Twitter. They’re owned by different companies and both have been better for traffic to both the website and Etsy anyways.
I’m also simplifying the websites. I have been experimenting with niches and paid vs unpaid accounts.
I’m unsubbing to various newsletters, cleaning out my email daily and trying to go fully online with Bill’s and statements to reduce paper clutter.
I’m working on simplifying my kitchen, food, storage, meal prep and the overall way I eat as well as my personal belongings. I have my books down to a smaller collection I have read, reread, use for reference and really like and I’m wanting to set our living room and kitchen up to look like the pictures in the magazines i read.
I finally reached out to a psychiatrist to discuss my long diagnosed ADD and instead am being treated for the OCD that I thought I was controlling well.
Since starting treatment, I’m binging Hoarders and Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners so I can eliminate as much as humanly possible before treatment starts fully underway, starts working and turns me into a hoarder, since a compulsion to get rid of my stuff is what she is focusing on but to me, nothing feels better than getting rid of things and clearing out space and it’s not a problem. I could see it as a problem if i was getting rid of my husband and kids’ stuff but I’m only going through mine.
I always did think interest in living more minimalist could swing the way of obsessive Compulsive but never thought the lazier way I have been doing it could be, since I didnt go extreme (I did finally manage to cut down to only the clothing I actually wear- maybe eliminating all the clothes that aren’t comfortable and you dont like/fit/need seems extreme to some? Lol)
Funnily, I mentioned the OCD because there are some anxieties I wanted to try to eliminate. My need to declutter, clean, sterilize, throw away and move around was not one- I would rather be an obsessive compulsive cleaner than a hoarder and with OCD, I’m unsure you can reach a healthy medium.
I can see the mix of ADHD and OCD and the progression with the things I have gotten interested in, researched, started then got side tracked and wanted to go back to. I’m hoping with the treatment I’ll be able to focus on fully embracing the life i want and give my girls the childhood they can look back on and remember. I want them to know the Joy’s of living in a beautifully decorated, clutter free house, being taught to put things back in their rooms instead of throwing them on the floors, playing in the yard instead of inside all the time, planting a garden, growing food, having a pet, cooking, baking, sewing, making crafts and living a more simple and less screen chaotic life.
I can track the symptoms all the way back to early childhood and I firmly believe it’s both genetic and learned in my case, so I’m determined to break it with my kids. I dont want them to deal with this anxiety like I do. Now that I’m diagnosed and my mom and I understand it better we all think my dad may have it, same with my mom’s mom- both were important people in my life growing up so if I can break the cycle and keep my kids from developing it, it will be worth the expense.
Growing up, my dad would tell me to do stuff and get anxious to the point he’d do it for me if I wasnt fast enough and my mom’s mom had a spotless apartment with rigid rules with decorations- you couldn’t touch nor play with them. I tried to emulate her tree- she had a beautiful tree. She would string the icicles one by one and they were beautiful but when I tried, it took so much time and effort I would get fed up and throw them up by the fistfuls. They’re next to banned from the house now- way too messy.
I know this is different from most of my posts, it’s more of a journal entry type but that’s the mind with OCD. its commonly mistaken as more of a joke. Its looked at as a quirk- things have to be just right, neat freak, but it comes with anxiety- from simple loss of sleep to panic attack severity if the compulsion isn’t paid attention to. Shows show the quirks and they can show some emotion behind the thoughts but a lot of people aren’t diagnosed with actual OCD and giving the label doesnt help the misconceptions. I have written in the past about life with OCD and it’s far from entertaining, to me or my family.